I Woke up Friday and I DIDN’T CARE

That’s my Son 🙂

Editor’s Note:

It’s not that I stopped caring, stress just gets you to a point sometime where the typical flair and zest you have for life and the job we do- well sometimes you end up manufacturing the smiles and enthusiasm. Anyone reading the title would have to be discouraged. It sucks to say that but at the same time I need to share those feelings- because I think there are many of us that have conversations in our own heads in terms of the the things we are about to face. Driving through shitty and dangerous roads where you know from the travel channel- that people have actually died on- is somewhere in the back of your head as you navigate Ice and potential travel issues. But you still get there- because you have to.

So… let’s call it what it is. We are NOT allowed to fail.

I played sports in HS. Did a USN thing as well- overseas your basic military stuff. EVERY profession I have had demands one thing on the sign on sheet,..

WE Do NOT Quit.

Pure and simple. Every one of us has that ingrained in our own personal philosophies on how we select to conduct our reactions to the clinical changes we observe in vivo- that’s pretty much a “given”.

Noone OPTS out– or they wouldn’t be reading this.

We choose to do something extraordinary that takes an amazing amount of professional courage every singe day. As perfusionists- the concept of “quitting” is on the same level as pumping air. Inconceivable. Period.

I recognize in myself symptoms of depression, worries about isolation, separation from family- a non-stop hate filled news cycle- questions of self worth, and most significantly- the question of why do I do this?

I am certain that whoever is reading this will not have an epiphany and cry out for help. Those people have been weeded out.

The people I AM addressing this to- are dealing with the same questions regardless of country of origin

I am writing this because it needs to be put down in writing that yes- we are exactly who we are. COVID did not scare us away!

We stood up– not necessarily because we wanted to.

We put people on ECMO that needed that level of support.

We spent hours in the trenches in the ECMO ICU’s

In my lifetime in this profession- I have NEVER had to answer the question of: “Where is Perfusion???”

I don’t have many answers.

I do it it because I am really good at it.

It is my effort to protect and preserve whatever seems to be steady out there that I can hang on to. That’s pretty much the promise I make to patients every time I put them on bypass.

I make that promise each and every day- regardless of what is going on in my head-

I do it- because I am REALLY GOOD AT IT.